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Robin Stern

In this groundbreaking guide, the prominent therapist Dr. Robin Stern shows how the Gaslight Effect works, how you can decide which relationships can be saved and which you have to walk away from–and how to gasproof your life so you'll never again choose a gaslighting relationship

About RobinAbout the book

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About Dr. Robin Stern

Associate Director, Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence

Robin Stern, Ph.D., is the associate director for the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. She is a licensed psychoanalyst, educator, and author, with over twenty-five years of experience treating individuals, couples, and groups. Robin holds a doctorate in applied psychology from New York University and a postdoctoral certificate in psychoanalytic group psychotherapy from the Postgraduate Center for Mental Health. She is on the faculty of Teacher’s College, Columbia University, where she co-teaches a class on emotional intelligence. Robin is a co-developer of RULER, as well as a co-creator and a lead facilitator for Yale’s Institutes.

At the Center, Robin is a principal investigator for the RULER for Parents project, which aims to increase parent involvement in children’s emotional intelligence education. She also works on High School RULER, adapting the curriculum for older students, and on a project to explore the intersection of self-awareness, emotion, and the arts. In collaboration with Facebook, she created a reporting process for cyberbullying incidents and a help center for bullied children. She is currently analyzing the data from that project to gain a deeper understanding of cyberbullying.

Robin serves on the advisory board of Crisis Text Line, I”ll Go First, and Project Rebirth, is a member of the Emotionally Intelligence Consortium, and has authored three books. She is a founding member of the Woodhull Institute, where she spent 15 years creating and facilitating development programs for women leaders. She has been a guest on many local and national radio shows and has traveled widely to lecture on emotional intelligence. In 2014-15 Dr. Stern was a fellow in the Public Voices Fellowship, which led to publications in Psychology Today, The Huffington Post, Time.com, etc.

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Praise for Dr. Robin Stern

"…Offers a socially intelligent method to spot and counter emotional abuse. … lights a way out of a dark side of relationships."

–DANIEL GOLDMAN, author of Social Intelligence

"…like a sturdy, truth-telling friend in difficult times. Stern will show you you’re not alone in your toxic relationship..."

–Rachel Simmons,author of Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls

"…a powerful guide and manual that fully articulates and explains the repercussions of underhanded manipulation in personal and professional relationships.”

–Sylvia Ann Hewlett, economist, author, and president of the Center for Work-Life Policy

“Dr. Robin Stern is one of the world’s wisest women. There’s much to learn from her.”

–Erica Jong

“…eloquently shine[s] a light on an often missed … emotional abuse… I have no doubt this book will positively change lives.”

–Linda Lantieri, Collaborative for Academic, Social and Emotional Learning (CASEL)

“…therapist Robin Stern takes her readers on a journey that will help them take control of their lives and destinies.”

–Phyllis Chesler, Ph.D., author of Women and Madness and Woman’s Inhumanity to Woman

“Her strategies for “turning off the gas,” … are practical and sound, emphasizing improving self-esteem and visualizing out-comes. … strongly recommended.”

–Library Journal 4/1/07

About the book

Your husband crosses the line in his flirtations with another woman at a dinner party. When you confront him, he asks you to stop being insecure and controlling. After a long argument, you apologize for giving him a hard time.
Your mother belittles your clothes, your job, and your boyfriend. But instead of fighting back, you wonder if your mother is right and figure that a mature person should be able to take a little criticism.
If you think things like this can’t happen to you, think again. Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse and manipulation that is difficult to recognize and even harder to break free from.
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Are you being gaslighted?

Check for these telltale signs:

Does your opinion of yourself change according to approval or disapproval from your spouse?
When your boss praises you, do you feel as if you could conquer the world?
Do you feel hopeless and joyless?
Do you have trouble making simple decisions and constantly second guess yourself?
Do you frequently make excuses for your partner's behavior to your family and friends?
Do you dread having small things go wrong at home—buying the wrong brand of toothpaste, not having dinner ready on time, a mistaken appointment written on the calendar?

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